For the odd moments I can manage to think of something.

What have you been?

TODAY from m ss ng p eces on Vimeo.

I picked up this video via a link from Brain Pickings an excellent aggregator of things that people do. It chimed a few times with me. Also it’s a video of beautiful pictures taken by someone who appears to do beautiful things.

One of the lines I took with me is “…your life’s story is always going to be your greatest creation.” I know, it’s a late night talking topic, but it made me think. It made me think about what I think I want.

For as long as I can remember, I have had a slightly morbid habit, that I don’t think is really morbid. When I need to make big decisions, and sometimes little ones, I think ahead to whenever it is might get to the end of my life and then think back from that point of view about what I make of the current decision. It’s a perspective exercise but also one that forces me to think about what sort of person I want to be over that entire story arc.

I love to write. Whether or not I write things that other people like, is often besides the point, especially if I am writing something fictional out of my system. I construct stories, paint some scenarios and then build characters. Then the characters pretty much tell me what they are doing as I put things in their way. There are basics I can add, conflict, love, fear, loss so many things. But I rarely think about which of those elements I would put into my own story, even though this should be the one I can steer – even if I can’t really edit it afterwards.

Stopping now to think about what my life looks like as a story, I can see a lot of things that I would consider to be missing from a character in a book and their life stories. I’m not sure if they are things I would want to add to my own life, but I’ve not spent time trying I guess.

I’ve been brought up to think that within reason, there is little that you cannot do. I’m probably not going to be a space rocket pilot, but I can still look at the stars. I can translate story lines that I like to become feasible to me, if I want them. I wonder if the stories I have read and the characters I loved have really changed the way I have done things. I’m not sure.

I was also taught from a young age “the most interesting people are the ones who have no idea what they are doing”, I don’t know if this was my parents making me feel better about things or if it is really true. I know I never really made a plan and I got this far without regret. Even the bad things seem good after enough time passing. Maybe it’s not “what do you want to be” as in ‘a postman’, ‘a journalist’, ‘a rock star’, but it’s what do you want to have been that I am thinking off with my morbid decision-making thought exercise.

Ack, I know this is a fuzzy post, at the very least take the links and watch the video. Other than that by all means share your thoughts – What do you want to have been?

I think I would like to have been enough but not too much. I don’t think I’m quite there yet though.


2 Responses to “What have you been?”

  1. Lau

    Thanks for this JK – what a beautiful set of images and a really nicely expressed intention behind the project. I turn 30 in June and have been thinking a lot about what I’ve achieved and what I want to achieve. The actual number is arbitrary but it makes sense that we humans section off bits of our lives to help us cope with / understand them. Teens are for school and leaving home, twenties are for figuring out what we’re doing with our lives and establishing careers, friendships and relationships and our thirties are for enjoying them, feeling less pressured and potentially starting families?

    I have always been crazy ambitious, writing yearly goals and trying to make sure I’m doing all the things I need to feel balanced, but at the same time I’m not freaking out over all the things I haven’t done yet…not yet, anyway…

    • jemimahknight

      Hey Lau,
      We need to catch up soon – I should put that on my list!
      I agree that the numbers are arbitrary. Ambition and goals are admirable – especially for someone with your wonderful musical talents.
      I think your life makes a great character story 🙂

      (my god- just turning 30 though….*files for pension)


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