For the odd moments I can manage to think of something.




Ok. So this section of um, here – will be about my generally autistic view on relationships and people. It’s not a place to out folk or embarrass anyone other than myself really. But there’s always a ton I don’t get about people sometimes and usually it is in the nuances of conversation that are connected with close relations.

Try this for size. I asked a few ladies I know about this one and there was a varied response. This sometimes happens to me and sometimes it’s funny – other times it just makes me want to say something rude and stalk off. I have generally had and I am proud of what some people call AC/DC appeal. I’ve been approached by both men and women before and well – when you can’t even be bothered getting into the game, it’s pretty flattering and should be handled in a polite and civilised manner. It’s no biggie. But when both male and female start this sort of conversational direction, you kinda have to wonder what you are doing. Mostly this time around – male culprits but that’s also to do with the field I work in, there’s a lotta guys.

So. You talk work, blah networking, blah blah, media etc. You’re focused on the topic, I don’t drink either so it’s not like I’m prone to leering. It’s all good, there’s agreement or debate – wonderful. Then they drop lightly and clumsily into the chat – “..and my girlfriend..” Add whatever topic floats your boat, civil engineering, firewire, toasters, linguistics, speculative math…and the ref comes up. From my comfy seat there seems to be a small pressure not to react. In the slightest. No flicker, no blink, no nodding. Nothing. Just listening. Inside my head…. “Oh sweet Christ, you think because we’re not talking about bunnies that I’m hitting on you?” Many times I have considered wearing clothing that is embroidered with the phrase “Just because I am talking to you, does not mean I am at all tempted to try and sleep with you”, or, “If I look that hungry – it is because I have forgotten to eat.” Seriously though. It just seems to be rather jarring sometimes…though I fully understand it can be a natural affectation, those who are a little more secure talk about their other half by name, not by status and well – it’s just sorta clunky. Or is it me?

I return to the ladies I asked on this. Varied views. They’ve definitely had this happen before. It makes them wonder if they look desperate. This did not particularly help my disposition. Another pointed out that it could be alpha-dog talk. “Not only am I able to have an enlightened conversation, I am also attractive to women to the point where I indeed do, most definitely have a girlfriend. Consider it part of my success…” I’m not so sure about that one.

I’m sure in the past I mentioned boyfriends in conversation, but usually if there was something related to them in that context. Otherwise, my chats are my own. I’m guessing that it’s a clear indicator to avoid trickier possibilities in future conversations. In that case it makes sense, I guess. But it does sound odd for sure and well, I guess fellers are stuck, they just can’t do right by doin’ right.

In case you wondered – I’m married to my job. It’s complicated.

2 Responses to “What!!?”

  1. Annie Mole

    As one of the women you asked, yep it’s happened to me as well, although for some strange reason not lately. Perhaps it’s because I’ve been wearing the T shirt that says “I really do not give a F**K whether you have a girlfriend, wife, boyfirend or not and even if I did I wouldn’t feel the urge to tell you about my signficant other or lack of one in the first two minutes of meeting you”.

    It really does seem to be a bloke thing, as apart from a woman who was hitting on me, I’ve never had a conversation in a similar situation with a woman I’ve never met before where apropos to nothing she feels she has to tell me that she’s with someone.

    Wanders off wondering about “Men Mars, Women Venus” etc etc 😉

  2. Steve Lawson

    I think it happens for a whole load of reasons, most of them completely stoopid. With some blokes, they LOVE the idea of being hit on, and so will behave as though you’re hitting on them, so that they can then say ‘yeah, this woman was hitting on me, and I had to quickly mention that I’m attached to put her off. it was really embarrassing!’ – bollocks. In their dreams.

    It’s funniest when I know both halves of the exchange – bloke comes up, ‘see that woman over there? I’ve never been flirted with so outrageously in my life, she was just about humping my leg’… woman comes up ‘who was that tedious berk?? kept going on about his girlfriend/wife, as though I was after him. Yeah, right, in his dreams’.

    The flip side is that some people do talk about their partner a lot. I know I do – she’s a very interesting part of my story, so especially if I’ve just met someone, Lo comes into the conversation pretty quick. Hopefully she has a name other than just ‘my wife’, but as we’re a ‘band’, the fact that we’re married is an interesting twist on that.

    As for doing it myself, I’ve only ever had to in LA, where being in the music industry means that you’re worth hitting on in the most outrageous way. Normally I’d just make a point of scratching my nose with my wedding-ring hand, or something. I’ve apparently been flirted with a lot without noticing. I prefer the idea that people are just friendly… 🙂

    So, when a dude does that, chances are he’s desperate to be hit on, to feel like he’s ‘still got it’ or whatever. Also, sadly, the chances are, he hasn’t. 🙂


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